30

is my age today

is your age when you earned your angel wings

is the date of our anniversary as a couple

is a number we both loved

and 30

is my one big reminder that you are really physically gone

as i lay here in this luxurious bed that i rented for my birthday

i remember the past years when you would sing to me at midnight

that cheerful happy birthday song

and you would greet me, and hug me, and kiss me

and we would make plans where to go

we were together for 14 years

we became an us when we were both 15

you always said on our 16th anniversary we would do something grand

you told me that since the years that we've known each other would be longer than the years we didn't by then,

that it was a perfect time to celebrate

except we didn't make it to that and i regret it

i wish you were here

i wish i had you to hold for the rest of my days

i wish i didn't have to make it on my own

i wish i didn't have to make this birthday wish