Not Grieving Enough

When you left, I had people asking why I wasn't crying as much as they expected

I had people telling me that they admired me for being strong

I was sane, I wasn't hysterical

I was awesome


Nobody knew

I started crying when we found out it was cancer

I was hysterical

I cried on your chest, wailing and begging you not to leave me

And you said you wouldn't


I hoped for you to get better

But took a lot of pictures and captured videos "just in case"

I prayed for the cancer to go away

I asked God to shrink the tumor


And he did

But I forgot to ask him not to let the cancer spread

So He didn't


I wanted to tell everybody

It's not that I wasn't grieving for you

It's just that I've been grieving the whole time

That by the time they got to me, I was too tired to grieve more than I already have


But I will grieve again tonight

And then again tomorrow

And if I ever love again,

I will grieve for you and the promise I made to you

That there will never be another man


I will grieve until the day we meet again

And when my last day of grief is over,

I will tell you that I've been waiting all these time

And everybody would stop asking

Why I never grieved the way they wanted me to