Pet Peeve (Rant Alert)

I often wonder why people find the need to tell me that "everything will be alright" and that "God has a plan. Just pray and you'll be fine".

I am not alright. I am far from okay. No amount of prayer can take away the pain and the longing I feel. All I want is for my husband to come back to me, to wake up to him playing on his phone, to sleep beside him at night, and to be able to kiss him and touch him whenever I wanted to.

I would post memories of him on social media, struggling so hard for him to never be forgotten, only to be flooded by "well-meaning" comments on how I wasn't really alone and that he'll always be here with me.

I wanted to ask them, "I'm sorry, did you miss the part where my husband died? Didn't you see a picture of his urn somewhere online?"

He's gone, and you can tell me all you want that he's still here but there's no denying the fact that I slept alone last night. I cry myself to sleep all the time. I wear a locket with his ashes in it. I am required to change my status to widowed soon and I will always be a woman that God thought strong enough to be on her own.

If you know me, and you're reading this, please do not tell me things I don't want to hear. Ask my husband if he is in a better place and he'll probably tell you that the best place for him is in my arms, where he truly belongs (no offense, God).

I am okay with silence, there's no need for you to say anything. If you can't keep quiet, a simple I'm sorry is enough. Please don't tell me you understand how it feels (unless you've been in the same place) because you don't.

After this loss, I am allowing myself to be selfish about my feelings. I will not let you downplay my pain because you feel like you need to say something to make me feel better.

I won't feel better in a long while and i would appreciate it if you just let me be. Let me grieve the way I know how. Let me wallow in pity today and be hopeful for the future tomorrow. Let me crash hard into depression after all the positivity. Hug me. Tell me you can't even begin to imagine my pain and hold me. But please, don't tell me everything's okay because they're not.

Let me grieve or leave me alone. Save the pep talk for someone else.