What a long wait

I wanted to get wasted tonight, but I changed my mind. I can't even attempt to get drunk because I know you won't be there to take care of me after. I'd rather be just alone instead of drunk and alone you know?

You were 30, love. You weren't supposed to leave me. We should be making plans, having kids, building our lives together.

I was 29. I wasn't supposed to pick an urn for you. I wasn't supposed to sign papers on the release of your body at the hospital. I was too young to be a widow.

We were so, so happy. We weren't supposed to part ways after just 14 years together. We should be growing old in each other's arms. We should be deciding which school to send our kids to, or whether our grandkids can come visit us at home while their parents take some time off work.

You weren't supposed to die.

We had the best doctors.

We had people helping.

We had enough money to get you through surgery.

We had family and friends cheering us on.

We had each other.

We had everything except God's blessing for you to stay. So He took you away from me forever, along with all my hopes and dreams. He took with you my heart, my soul, my will to live.

We had a beautiful life, cut so short by circumstance.

I was a story you loved despite the crazy plot and the cheesy lines.

I had no idea you were going to be just a chapter in mine.

I am terrified of a future without you. I see no point in moving forward. But I gave you a promise, a promise of a life that will mean something again someday, a life with a purpose. I'm not living this life for me, this is all so I can keep the promise I made to you.

I have just reached the tragic part of my tale, it's time to wait for the new characters. I wonder if it includes a new challenge or a new source of happiness. Either way, I am crawling this life to completion for you.

In the end, I hope to close this book with you waiting for me to come home to you once more. I see you offering your strong hands to me, as I say goodbye to this cruel world.

I'm waiting for your input to this narrative, love.

Surprise me.