I feel like I owe everyone a very late update on Cezar's condition kaya magpopost parin ako. I can feel him nagging me na magpost because he always says that we owe it to the people who keep on helping us.
My last update was about our 5th antibiotic and his lower back muscle spasms. I know a lot of you are shocked na wala na sya so I want to fill you all in about the events that lead to this moment. So eto na.
5th antibiotic didn't work. We can't get a decent sputum sample because it's always tainted with blood. So they finally decided to have a CT scan with contrast done. UERM result shows no metastases while the diagnostic center's result show metastases in the lungs, liver, and the spine. They read the same plates.
To rule out metastases, we were supposed to do a biopsy of the liver. This didn't push through because Cezar's oxygen kept dropping. He was still being treated for pneumonia (supposedly caused by fungus) during this time. The night of his postponed biopsy, he showed signs of fast deterioration. He was coherent up to the last minute, but his breathing has worsened. Every breath sounded like harsh winds beating on a galvanized surface.
He was able to say goodbye, for those who want to know. After a long moment of unresponsiveness, he suddenly sat up, hugged me, stroked my back, and said "love you mi". His voice sounded very nasal at this point. This marks the time where he would have long periods of unresponsiveness and short waking times. He went to the bathroom twice before he died, just goes to show how much he wanted to not become a burden to anyone.
I believe that up until the last minute he was waiting on God's go signal before he let go. During his annointing, the moment the priest marked his forehead with the sign of the cross, he attempted to do the sign too. He opened both of his eyes in surprise when the priest started the prayer. He expired no more than 5 minutes after his annointing.
Some people say the greatest love stories end in tragedies. I'd like to think that our love is one of the greatest. It feels like it really ended in a tragedy, with me losing him so early. My first night wihout him felt like hell (and still feels like hell). But I promised him that I will wait for him like I always have for the last 14 years. Knowing that I'll have him waiting on the other side gives me comfort. He will always be worth the wait.
For now I just want to make sure his last wishes are put in order. And then the waiting game begins.
We would like to thank everyone for being with us in this journey. We put up a good fight. Cezar would always say, better to have tried and lost. He told me to tell you all to please take care of your health. Let go of your vices. He told me that if he only knew that his disease would hurt me this bad, he would have never started smoking (one of the possible reasons for his disease). He did stop smoking, but I guess it was a little too late.
He also told me to tell everyone to love like you're going to die tomorrow and pray every morning to give thanks for the opportunity to live one more day.
I guess this wraps up my updates on his condition. He is in the best condition now as he joins God and his dad in heaven.
To dadi, mahal na mahal kita. I can feel my heart breaking. I just want you to know na maghihintay ako sayo. I miss you so bad. Pasensya ka na I can't stop crying. Ikaw kase ang pinakamagandang nangyari sa buhay ko tapos nawala ka. Pero maghihintay ako for you. Please visit me in my dreams. I want to see you again. I love you and I always will.
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