I signed a DNR form.

I signed a DNR form.

DNR stands for Do Not Resuscitate. 3 days before Cezar died, our medical onco told me that his dropping oxygen saturation is a sign that he was deteriorating fast. She said that eventually, oxygen will not be able to reach all his organs and that will eventually lead to organ failure.
I talked to him while his sister slept in the room (his sister looks after him at night). It was probably one of the many difficult discussions we had about his death.

I told him that hospitals have protocols and their instinct is to revive patients when their vitals drop. He asked me, "what are they going to do?" I told him they will intubate and put him on a ventilator when that happens. I asked him, "do you want them to do that?" He looked at me with his very tired eye and waved his hand. I understood.
On his last night, I went to the doctors and asked them to produce the DNR form asap. I will not have my husband suffer anymore worldly pain. I never knew I could cry so hard over a piece of paper.
That morning, his vitals kept dropping but we could only look and cry. His pain management team made sure he was comfortable, and for that we are very thankful.

He flatlined according to his wishes. No more pricks, no tubes, no zapping to wake his weak heart. I made sure no autopsy was done, no embalming will be carried out.

I sent his body back to God as whole as possible as I could.

If you are reading this, and you have a family member who is terminally ill, please take the time to discuss this with them. I believe this is the humane thing to do. I know how keeping them alive will make us happy (I would have done everything), knowing that they are still with us. But it is their lives and it is them who will suffer.

I guess you can say that I let my husband die. I did not do eveything in my power to keep him alive. But I also think that sometimes, the best option you have is to let the person you love go.